It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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