have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
