so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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