well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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