Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
