I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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