the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
love makes seman taste better
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm too high and old for this...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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