Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
