Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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