your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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