well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
