sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My penis needs a shock collar
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
