so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
