You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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