Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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