We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
