I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
