why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
