Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
