I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
