I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
