Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
