i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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