so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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