I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
