i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
