She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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