You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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