i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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