its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
