i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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