dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
