all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
