Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
