i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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