bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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