I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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