and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
