i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
