Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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