I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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