Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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