My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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