I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
