His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
