i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
