Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
