his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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