you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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