i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
