yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
