I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
