I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
