at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
