yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
