You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
