I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
sex in a hospital.. check
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
