Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize