I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
