She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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