They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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