I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didn't notice because vodka
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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