I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
