I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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