And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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