...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
