guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
