I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
