When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
