i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Panties = found
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize