Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
