Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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