How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
