I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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